The Goulding Method

Official Goulding Consultants & Trainers Site

A simple, safe method for parents helping children establish emotional intelligence, loving attachment and acceptance.

Toileting, Anxiety, Sibling Rivalry Issues

Presenting Situation.
“Jan 5th 2011 – ‘N’ is an 8 year old girl presenting with bedwetting and faecal enuresis. Her parents have tried “everything” in the past and she has been undergoing counselling in the past year.  Though a very bright child, N’s parents report extreme anxiety and difficult behaviours, notably a troubled relationship with her 10 year old sister.”

Foundation process
“N saw enormous changes in a very short time frame, on commencing SleepTalk®. Though in the past she had been afraid to go anywhere on her own and would struggle to deal with anger and anxiety – mostly resulting in “melt downs”, within the first three weeks, ‘N’ had showed a significant turnaround.

N’s parents reported a number of changes after three weeks.
More able to talk through concerns calmly without melt downs.
Walked to the shops and scouts on her own.
Asked to go to school camp.
Had the first dry nights of her life.
Stopped hiding (and lying about) soiled pants and stopped soiling.
Happy to talk on the phone to people.

Parents report enormous positive feedback! And these are just some of the main examples. Even with such positive changes and feedback, ‘N’s parents expressed there was still some way to go with N’s ability to deal with anger, with her self-esteem and they expressed significant concern over N’s continued troubled relationship with her elder sister.

We chose to keep the ‘Foundation’ statements for some weeks longer and added in the sibling support statement, suspecting that the sibling relationship is potentially the prime area of pain and anxiety for ‘N’.”

Follow up
“On contacting ‘N’s parents three weeks later, I was informed that almost instantly after adding in the sibling support statement, ‘N’ regressed. She began (and continued to) soiling and bedwetting again and was less cooperative.  We chose to continue but not change the statements whilst ‘N’ was unsettled – and two weeks later the parents reported seeing slow improvement. She is very cognitive about the issue now too – shows a real willingness to beat the issue and a desire to be clean. She is well on her way to conquering her toileting troubles!”

Conclusion
“This continues to be a very interesting case to work with. ‘N’ had an extreme abreaction to the addition of a sibling support statement. This fits with the parent’s information given about the troubled sibling relationship and appears to be a deep source of anxiety and stress for ’N’. It seems that, upon adding that her sister loves her, her brain was not able to neither compute this nor take it on as truth easily. A month on and she is showing marked improvement but still has some way to go. Her parents remarked: “Thank God for SleepTalk®!” and are very grateful for the obvious effect it has had in their lives. I am grateful for their willingness to stick to the program with patience, noting that it is not a quick fix for their daughter but is slowly working love through the deepest parts of her doubts and fears. What a wonderful thing to watch.”

Up Date: 20 April 2011
“The mum just emailed me to let me know that it has finally turned a corner! Toileting issues have been under total control for a week now (and most of last week) and she is a “happy little girl”. Mostly holidays are bad for her – I guess, having her sister around with her full time – but they have been coasting through that alright too.  Great news to hear…just thought I’d let you know!”

SW – Consultant.