The Goulding Method

Official Goulding Consultants & Trainers Site

A simple, safe method for parents helping children establish emotional intelligence, loving attachment and acceptance.

Sibling Rivalry

Sibling Rivalry

Oh, my God!  It’s working.  Today was such a good day. My 13 year old, is still sarcastic and trying to put down her sister, but she successfully ignored her nasty comments.

SleepTalk® Mum – Japan 2013

Sibling Rivalry. 

“Within 2 weeks Mum acknowledges that there is a lighter mood and more openness in the household.   She hears them laughing and playing together where have been more segregated in the past.   

Finds herself saying the words during the day as well.  Is ‘calming and soothing’ to her as well.  When ‘R’ has a meltdown or other family disturbance, mum finds herself reacting differently, which is lessening the length/severity of the issue.  By 6 weeks. ‘R’ is sleeping through the night.  Day-care indicates they “wish they had 20 more like her”. 

Accredited Consultant – Joy Hoffman – USA 2019

 

Sibling Rivalry.

“Mum was really happy with both ‘C’s and ‘Z’s progress. ‘C’ has not had nightmares for a couple of months now and no worries with phobia either. ‘Z’ has been really good and has been sleeping for the most part in his own bed with occasional nights in bed with his sister.

Mum did say that they had been a bit more inconsistent with the Goulding Method- SleepTalk in the post couple of weeks due to illness and holiday sleepovers.

We decided that it would be a good idea to continue with foundation statements and sibling rivalry statement for a few more weeks since they had been less consistent recently. After that we will odd a new statement for each of them to create a good ‘fire wall’ for the future.

I met with mum again in September. They had been doing The Goulding Method- SleepTalk® consistently now for several weeks and in view of the progress made by both children, we decided it was time to add some support statements.

I subsequently spoke with mum again. Support statements seemed to have been accepted by both children with no opponent problems. Both parents are very happy with the whole process and will continue with The Goulding Method- SleepTalk®. I will contact them again in a few weeks to see how they are progressing.”

Kathryn Duncan – Qld 2014

 

Sibling Rivalry.

“Completing all areas of this case study, I do believe ‘A’ made great progress. His anxiety decreased; his sleep improved greatly and his scholastic endeavours were improved.

Of note was the unforeseen improvement of ‘A’ attitude and behaviour towards his sister.

Mum was thrilled. She also confessed that she loved this dedicated time with her sleeping babies each night. A positive experience all round.”

Accredited Consultant: Marian Daish – Victoria 2017

 

Sibling Rivalry

“She has stopped biting her nails!

Her nails seems to be actually growing now!

Mum is so stunned and it’s another thing she has been able to mention to the father in regards to how the kids are doing lately…. He still doesn’t quite ‘see’ it.

Although, on further questioning, it was clear that nails were just being less bitten! Still wanting to ‘go’ to her nails (still anxious habit?) but they were growing therefore, still probably biting them, but much less often and that surely means a little change in anxiety expressing itself in self-soothing or habit.

During the 12 week appointment, the reassessment was offered and the 3 C’s have been adhered to. Mum is happy with the process and its effects on her too. ‘L’ has an overall improvement in most things.

Generally she’s less nervous and less ‘highly strung’. Still overreacts to things at home, but calms much quicker after. We discussed what are the outstanding issues, and Mum said that the hypochondria, although much less frequent, it’s still happening & also the nail biting.

So, we talked about anxiety and that she is still needing (like her brother) to have the foundation process continue to get more consolidation in her ‘self’ before moving onto and dealing with a primary area of need. 

Talking to Joane afterwards, we talked about the need for attention presenting as hypochondria (due to sibling rivalry and issues around her dad*) and anxiety, nail biting, fear based things. Very much like her brother. 

{*Mum mentioned only during the phase 2 ‘where now’ document, that ‘L’ had stopped saying “why does dad hate me?” which shocked me a bit – and it goes to show that the need for attention and that constant anxiety is with her at home – fear of not being loved by her dad, it would seem ☹}”

Accredited Consultant: Lucia Dapos – Vic – 2019

 

 Sibling Rivalry 

“He is MUCH calmer and listening better. I decided it was time to add the bridging statement to the foundation statement. They were going overseas on holidays for 18 nights, so thought she could start now. (Mum delivered the process most nights while away, even on the plane!!)

She reported, when they got back, that the kids got along quite well and they all had a good time away together. And also, on return, ‘T’ and his dad started bike riding more often and enjoying each other in this space.

At week 12, phase 2 ‘where now’ interview and document done. ‘T’ is doing much better in key areas. He’s not as blinkered in his thinking now – listens to alternatives/advice/queries regarding what he has chosen to do, and takes these things into consideration, whereas previously, he would not have even listened. Less dogmatic.

All of ‘T’s’ reactions are less dramatic and he is definitely stopping & listening. More relaxed, less rigid. Big decrease in his fear of the dark and being alone.

Stopped biting his toe-nails (!! she didn’t mention toe nails in the initial interview, just finger nails) completely. But decrease of fingernail biting maybe 20% – still huge improvement!  ‘T’ is generally showing signs of less anxiety. 

She is also still concerned about his lack of impulse control – even though improved. Suggested that the process still needs time to consolidate with ‘T’. I believe that adding dad’s voice would see a whole new change in ‘T’s’ behaviours, but they have to do this, I can only give the reasons and encourage gently but firmly. So, for the next three months, the foundation process with the bridging statement to be continued. Monitor changes every 2 weeks or so. 

Accredited Consultant: Lucia Dapos – Vic – 2019

 

Sibling Rivalry

Parent Feedback: “I love this process, its easy and builds better connections with my boys.

My son is now more positive about eating some other things (but still prefers chips). Need more work in this area, but it’s a big improvement.

He is feeling like he belongs in his new 4yr old kinder program now and has met some new friends.

Have had big improvements with boys wanting to go to dads overnight and they even like his new partner. Overall, very happy with the process.”

Accredited Consultant: Anneliese Luz – Vic 2019

 

 Sibling Rivalry. 

“ The parent indicated that ‘S’ responded well to The Goulding Method- SleepTalk®. Mom was doing the Foundation consistently every night; dad was not willing to participate in the process. 

Within 4 weeks, mom noticed a decrease in the frequency, severity, and duration of ‘S’ outbursts.  Bedtimes becoming easier, Mom was feeling less stressed and there was less fighting between the girls

Accredited Consultant. KP – Canada 2015

 

Sibling Rivalry.

“The parents reported that ‘H’ has been in the past a less confident child despite his high intelligence in completing more advanced tasks and good results in learning. He also had some sibling rivalry issues with his younger sister. 

However, a short time after starting the foundation Stage of The Goulding Method – SleepTalk® he has become more open and talkative, and his relationship with his younger sister and his attitude towards her have changed in a very positive way. 

The parents commented with surprise how he made a complete change by being helpful and protective of her in such a short time. Continuing with SleepTalk® will make their relationship stronger into the future and benefit the whole family.”

Accredited Consultant: LH – 2018

 

Sibling Rivalry. 

“The parent feedback: ‘P’ is the younger of 2 siblings. Her older brother and her had some sibling rivalry issues prior to starting The Goulding Method – SleepTalk®, with ‘P’ displaying more of the jealousy and attention seeking at times when she thought she was being “left out”. 

After the first few weeks of starting the Foundation Stage this behaviour has disappeared. At the same time her parents were very surprised at the growing affection she was showing to both of them, but at times also to others in the family. 

Her relationship to her brother has noticeably improved, and she is also gaining confidence in entering preschool this year. My recommendation is to continue with Foundation Statement and review a potential addition of Specific Statement later in consultation with parents.

Accredited Consultant: LH – 2018

 

Sibling Rivalry. 

“Parent feedback: ‘C’ wakes up quietly now without any anger. He is calmer in the mornings and getting ready for school is becoming easier for all of the family. He is learning to use self-control and walking away when his brother upsets him.” 

“Consultant feedback: Mum was excited by the results she had achieved and wanted to move on to include the next support suggestion. Mum reported that it had positive results. 

‘C’s biggest achievement was to attend a crowded soccer break up and went by himself to get a book of vouchers that was required to get his meals and treats. Mum said this would never have happened before and she was so proud of his achievement. ‘C’ also attended the school fair and happily went off with his big brother to go on rides. 

Mum feels that ‘C’s level of anxiety in group situations has reduced greatly and that ‘C’s happier to go to school and keen to share his achievements big or small with the family. He is also confidently speaking on the phone now and going up to shopkeepers and asking for what he wants. The family are still working with ‘C’ to give eye contact.” 

Conclusion.

“I feel that mum has grasped the Goulding Method -SleepTalk®  and used it well. She was very keen for this to work and has been positive all the way through. It has been wonderful to be part of this journey with the family. It is wonderful to see ‘C’ becoming more confident within him. I am in contact with the family regularly and will follow up on her needs and anything that she requires to support her.”

Accredited Consultant: MP – 2010 Vic 

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Sibling Rivalry. 

I feel that Mum saw such a change in her other child using this process that she became more excited about using it with ‘F’ as she saw the rewards his sibling was achieving. 

Both Mum and I feel that her husband really needs to spend time administering the suggestions to ‘F’ to have a positive effect on their relationship. Mum felt confident in applying the process to ‘F’ without my assistance so we worked on two more suggestions that she would use when she felt it was time.

Accredited Consultant: MP – 2010 Vic