The Goulding Method

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A simple, safe method for parents helping children establish emotional intelligence, loving attachment and acceptance.

Sibling Rivalry

 “Parent indicated that ‘J’ showed improvement in all areas of concern that had been identified as issues.  Her parents reported she stopped bedwetting altogether which they were ecstatic about.

‘J’ also improved her ability to get along with her sister, her sleep habits, her fear of attending school, her fear of being away from her parents, her overall behaviour, concentration and ability to get along with others, including sharing showed marked improvements.

 

Jasmine’s parents feel like their household has come to a level of calm they did not think they would ever be able to get to. They love SleepTalk and plan to continue to use the process throughout their children’s growth and development.”  

Accredited Consultant – Janine Nash – Vic 2019

 

Feedback: “The parents are delighted to report that ‘K’ showed improvement in all identified areas.  While some of the improvements were improved by only 5% it is the opinion of the writer that these areas are developmental, and that ‘K’ appears to be developing in line with her age and stage of development.  Her parents reported she has stopped having tantrums, is getting along with her sister better and has improved in her ability to share with others.”

Accredited Consultant – Janine Nash  – Vic 2019   

Session 1

Presenting Issue
“J” is a very well balance, outgoing child in most areas but acts up if her brother gets more attention or gets given anything extra from any family member (including extended family).

 

 – Sibling Rivalry:

This young girl doubts the love of her parents and is also dealing with bedwetting(enuresis) and sibling rivalry. She has a little brother of whom she is very jealous. After the first phase, the parents noticed a huge improvement, she is more serene and the sibling rivalry is less. She accepts her brother better by playing with him. The enuresis persists despite everything so the suggestion for the second phase will hopefully assist.

Accredited Consultant: Marie-Helene Mileto. Genèv

Detailed Case History
I personally know this family and they have always tried to show equal attention to both children. I believe this is definitely a case “J” establishing her own personality and place within the family. Her brother is very outgoing and plays a lot of sport, participates in a lot of external activities that requires his parents to drive him around and attend these activities with him. “J” feels she is not getting the same amount of attention and this has been confirmed in my conversation with her parents.

This behaviour has escalated since “J” started school (this year) and wants more of her parent’s attention when she gets home from school as she doesn’t see them during the day as she used to (had all her mums attention every day whilst “J” was at school).

If “J” needs to go out after school, “J” sulks and storms around the house until she gets attention. She can also become quite boisterous and demanding. “J” will not share anything with “J” and throws tantrums if asked to do so.

If asked if she loves her brother she says yes and will give him cuddles. If they are at home together and they are doing activities like drawing together then they are fine. The main area of concern for “M” and “P” is that “J” needs to realise that her parents love her just as much and that doesn’t change when they have to spend more time with “J” after school as he has a lot of things to do.

Process/Discussion
I explained the SleepTalk Process to “M” and “P”, answered any questions/concerns and then we proceeded to complete “Where Does My Child Stand Now?” (see attached).
The major areas highlighted as Poor or needing improvement were:

  • Behaviour towards sibling
  • Sleeping Habits
  • Sharing with others was good with everyone else but not “J”

“M” and “P” were happy to see how the SleepTalk Process would work but I sensed “P” was a little sceptical.

Session 2 – 28h August 2010

Feedback
“M” and “P” said that they had seen major improvements over the last six weeks. We went through “Where Does My Child Stand Now” and there were not only significant improvements in the areas of focus but also where “J”’s previous rating was good to very good.
Both parents took turns in reading the foundation script each night and noticed that “J” seemed happier in the morning and more responsive to “J”.

  • Has a lot more energy in the morning.
  • “J” has always been a “picky” eater but they have noticed that she is trying a few more things.
  • There is more interest in reading and maths but this could be that she is settling more into school (her first year).
  • “J” seems to be able to concentrate more but this could be as above as she settles into school and homework.
  • “J” and “J” are both very creative and now that she is responding better to “J” they are both spending more time together drawing and “J” has improved substantially as a result.
  • She is sharing more with all family members.
  • She is more accepting of others – seems a lot calmer in relation to all.
  • “J” seems a lot less anxious when her parents need to spend time with “J”; she does not have as many tantrums, is calmer and is generally better behaved.
  • “J” has always had a lot of self-esteem and confidence but this seems to have improved as well (up to 30% improvement)
  • “J” has been staying in her own bed over the last week and has not ventured into the lounge room to sleep during the night.

Primary Area of Need
During this time, “M” and “P” have also done a little research about how they can handle this rivalry better and gave me an article they found on the Raising Children Network (which I am going to send a SleepTalk information kit to).
We had some discussions about the article and then decided to continue with a specific suggestion for the next four-six weeks.

Specific Suggestions Given
We decided to combine three of the suggestions in the book re sibling rivalry:
You’re an important member of the family, we all love you, and you are very special to brother.

 

Session 3 – 2nd October 2010

Feedback
“M” and “P” have seen continuous improvement in the relationship between “J” and “J”. “J” has started art classes and ballet and is enrolling in soccer. With these extra activities she also needs her parents to drive her and pick her up. This seems to have put her on the same footing as “J”.

She no longer throws tantrums, is a lot calmer and has been a lot nicer to be around. “J” now shares with her brother and spends time telling him about what she has been doing each day.
In general family time is stress-free (except for normal family fights). Both “M” and “P” of course have more activities to go to but are enjoying this with both their children now.
“J” has been sleeping in her own bed (probably exhausted with school and extra activities) and “life is good”

End Result

“M” and “P” said that it was a long process and at times was hard work to do every night but would recommend it to other parents and are thankful for all it has done for their family.

Lacking self-confidence and needing to be the centre of attention are just some of the issues this child is dealing with. She often interrupts adults which has caused major concerns for this family and has great rivalry with her brother. This is compounded with weight problems, sleep issues, lack of concentration and eating far too fast. 

At the completion of the first phase, and introduction to the 2nd phase, she is more affectionate with her brother, her confidence levels and her concentration have improved.  

Accredited Consultant: Olivia Amore – Genève 

This child displays violent behaviour, is arrogant in school, manages his emotions badly. The sibling rivalry with his sister compounds the distress the parents are feeling. At the completion of Phase 1, it was decided to continue for a further 2 months. At this time the child appeasers to be a little calmer. Munich more work is required.   

Accredited Consultant: Olivia Amore – Genève