The Goulding Method

Official Goulding Consultants & Trainers Site

A simple, safe method for parents helping children establish emotional intelligence, loving attachment and acceptance.

Self-confidence and assurance

Self Confidence

A is a 5 year old boy who lives with his Mum and Dad and his little sister aged 2.

Both parents were in a loving relationship and both keen to do the Goulding Method- SleepTalk technique together with both their children.

The initial reasons for A’s Mum wanting to use the Goulding Method – SleepTalk Phase 1   to help him establish more self-confidence and assurance. Mum also noted that A was a premature baby and she said that she had experienced a few challenges along the way with A’s health due to this early birth.

17th August 2011

I met with both parents in August 2011. At this time A was described as a very intelligent, imaginative boy who knew just how to get his Mum’s attention through what was described as a “whiney voice”.

Mum commented how A could attempt to be very controlling when she was talking with other adults and didn’t want to “share his mum”. He would scream and go into melt downs and this was often worse when A didn’t know people that well and felt uncomfortable in new surroundings. This was described to me as “clingy behaviour”.

Both Mum and Dad were very loving parents who often spent much time with both children in the day time but there was obviously some underlying belief that A had that was leading to him to feel uncomfortable in new situations and only secure when with parents.

At the time A was resistant in learning things himself, not keen to try new classes, and commented that he was most happy when “at home with Mummy and Daddy”.

The other thing that Mum and Dad wanted help with was to get to the core reason for A’s fussy eating as he would often seek attention at meal times and both parents felt that there was a lot of fuss around eating.

I left both parents with the SleepTalk folder and they were confident with the process and how to apply it at bedtime.

13th October 2011

I met with A’s parents for the second time after they had been saying the Foundation Stage SleepTalk words to A for approx 8 weeks time.

Mum said that A seemed more level now with his confidence and emotions. He was “snapping out of his whiney voice” much quicker and “able to control his emotions a lot better”.

A seemed to be calmer and less anxious and “more comfortable in his own skin”, parents said. It was noted that A was more confident without parents and not as “needy” in new situations.

Dad said that he was delighted when he took A to a friend’s party on his own as Mum was away that weekend and A just ran off and played. Dad said that he was convinced that when they got there A would be clingy and yet when he turned round he had run off to play!

You could see how pleased Dad was with this change in a matter of 7 weeks!

The one thing that still stood out was that A was still coming in to his parent’s bed at approx 12 am and lying right next to them indicating a need to be near his parents still. This was after he had wet his pull ups. So he would wee in his pull ups and then go to parent’s bed and get in with them.

So together we looked for a suitable support statement to add to the Foundation words.

21 st November 2011

I met with A’s parents again approx 5 weeks later.

A had dry pull ups at bedtime within a week! Within one week A was getting up to go to the toilet himself and going back to his own bed where before he was going to his parents bed and getting in with them.

A was then going to his parents bed at approx 5 am and Dad said that he was more “calm and cuddly when getting in the bed rather than in a needy way”.

Both parents said that they didn’t feel that this was an issue now with A coming in at that time as it was nearly time to awaken for the day so we didn’t address this any further and agreed that he would most probably grow out of this and when he got his new bed.

Mum said that A was now eating a better quantity of food and not fighting as much at meal times which could also have been due to the fact A was now taking quality Vitamin B tablets for children.

Due to the sibling part of the Goulding Method SleepTalk, A was now saying that he loved his sister in the day time to her – so verbalising his feelings more freely and more understanding with his younger sister.

Parents noticed an improvement with his writing and school reported an improvement with his concentration in his work.

Again, following a family weekend away, parents noticed that A was becoming more and more confident in unusual and new situations.

A was now getting more sleep due to staying in his own bed longer at night time and was more settled therefore sleeping for longer periods of time.

Mum mentioned that whenever A showed a sign of anxiety which was rare these days, she would say some of the SleepTalk words to him in a loving manner and his “shoulders would just drop and he would become more relaxed”.

Increased cooperation meant that A was now more understanding of what his parents were saying to him and so he now listened when they were explaining things to him and he was more cooperative.

Summary

In summary there were notable improvements in sleep, bedwetting, eating, self security, confidence and self esteem, general wellbeing, communication, studies, and communication and relationships with parents within 3 months.

Both parents remained fully committed to the program throughout the whole 3 months, alternating the evenings that they said the words to their child and used some of the positive wording in the daytime to gain optimal benefits for their child.

2012 – Jenny Harris – UK – SleepTalk consultant.

 

Emotional benefits to both Mum and Dad.

“A Skype consultation was held with mother and the final progress identifier form completed.  Mum noticed a difference in ‘N’ if she misses sleep talk due to a sleepover; she notices a small change in the “calmness of his being”

Mother would like to continue the process with her children as she has found it a beautiful and beneficial evening ritual and has also found the process of great emotional benefit to herself and her husband.

The second statement was given her to continue and is ongoing and the family, continue to see a benefit.

2018 – Accredited Consultant: Carla Pahl – HongKong

 

 “I was stunned and had tears in my eyes.

“AM’s energy has increased in mornings. He doesn’t dread the routine he has to follow during the day. His interest and confidence in reading and writing has gone up. Also one morning after 2 months of doing the Goulding Method- SleepTalk® he woke up and said that he loves me. I was stunned and had tears in my eyes.

AM was initially very edgy and cranky for a week. But, I had faith that like the last time this will work too. After a week to 10 days of the statement settling in he became less paranoid of himself and what everyone did. We had a relaxed child at home. His teachers said that he was smiling in the classroom and answering more questions. I am relieved. 

Mother “N” has said “AM” always tries to do things on his own and first tries to reach out himself. If he fails, he asks for help. His teachers are very happy with him as he is doing work on his electronic pad upto his potential. “N” feels more accomplished as a mother and feels that now she has sealed the bond of love with “AM”. 

She also mentioned that “ Michelle” was her role model for “AM”. Also finally there was reduced therapist help and basic physiotherapies only.”

Aneesha Sethi:  Accredited Consultant – India  2018