The Goulding Method

Official Goulding Consultants & Trainers Site

A simple, safe method for parents helping children establish emotional intelligence, loving attachment and acceptance.

Fear of Doing Poo

Hi Natalie, thank you so much for introducing me to SleepTalk®. Since I have used it I have transitioned my son ‘R’ back to a happier disposition in life. Thank you so much Natalie for helping me through this.

I have been using SleepTalk® for approximately 6 months and the best thing that we have achieved is overcoming ‘R’s fear to go to the toilet and doing no. twos. ‘R’ had developed anxiety due to being constipated.  His two occasions that were on the toilet was a straining two moments and thus ‘R’ linked the toilet to being constipated and feared it greatly.   Conclusively, ‘R’s character, being stubborn plus the immaturity and lack of trust in his own body inhibited him from overcoming his fear.  The somewhat progressive tasks of transitioning from nappies to the toilet become a tedious, frustrating and stressful family issue.

After many frustrating battles with no result I took ‘R’ to Conquip, a incontinence school and had him regularly taking laxatives. He still continued to be fearful of sitting on the toilet especially when knowing there was business waiting to be done.   I took him back to Conquip to be told to increase his laxative.   A month prior to his second visit I had started SleepTalk® but my nurse at Conquip had asked me to focus on getting ‘R’ out of nappies at night time.   I tried this for 2 weeks but ‘R’ developed such a bad rash that I decided to refocus back to toilet training for no. twos (‘R’ is trained to go to the toilet for wees but still wears nappies at night time).

We had changed the SleepTalk® statements to cater for ‘R’ to stay dry at night, therefore when the focus was changed naturally I had to change the SleepTalk® suggestions back to going to the toilet to do no. twos. We did this for three months and then on one weekend when I increased the laxative dose, I placed ‘R’ on the toilet and used all of my encouraging phrases. I also told him that we would have a party with balloons if he did a poo that night and I added in a threat (in a nice voice) saying if he didn’t do it then I would find a pillow for him to stay the night.

‘R’ called me to the toilet once, then twice with no result. The second time he wanted his balloons and I said that they would come once he had done the poo. A third time he called me and this time he had eventually done the business in toilet.   I was amazed, happy, relieved and hopeful that this would be the start to the end of this issue.   He did no. twos three nights in a row then he had a night off, then back on and off.   He now uses the toilet with ease although still with some prompting, although we have now incorporated the toilet time as part of his night time ritual for getting ready for bed.  It is becoming easier and easier and he is always very proud when he has finished his business.

The phrase I used on ‘R’ was the opening phrase, then the phrase ‘You know you can, you will do poos on the toilet. You are so brave.’ I repeated this five times, and then I finished with my closing statement. I do believe that by telling him that he will be able to do poos on the toilet and adding that he is brave actually helped him overcome his fear.  Additionally I read him books which centred around being brave and I dropped that word ‘brave’ occasionally in discussion especially leading up to toileting time.

Although it took much time, a lot of frustrating toileting moments with no results and a lot of customised settings to make it all happen I do know that SleepTalk® plays a big part of its success and additionally has emotionally instilled mental strength within my sons’ mind. ‘R’ has become much more content with family life, adjusting to becoming a big brother and displaying more resilience. (‘R’ had developed an attitude as a consequence of losing the focus from being the single child as well as some additional changes in life.) He now displays a marked degree in maturity and more courage in getting through daily tasks he once feared such as going to the toilet in the dark and having his hair washed. There are still many areas of growth to press on and I am still using SleepTalk® to build on these, for a mentally healthier and emotionally more balanced life in ‘R’s life.

Natalie Dwyer:  Accredited Consultant – 2011